Are Unicorns Really That Epic?

I can't go anywhere in the internet without finding unicorns. Trust me, I'm on the internet alot... I have no life, but that's beside the point. There's Robot Unicorns, there's bad unicorn tattoos, there's videos of unicorns speaking nonsense and stealing internal organs. Really, internet, don't you think you're going overboard? When I was younger, the unicorn represented this ultimate being of good. Remember that movie, Legend with that asshole Tom Cruise? Yeah, he wasn't that bad then, but still. There's this scene where the unicorns come out, and they only show themselves to the pure, wholesome, and virgins.
I thought this was the COOLEST THING EVER. I was going to be a virgin FOREVER if it gave me the chance to hang out with a unicorn. Time and people's ability to tarnish things changed everything. We started getting crap like this:


















Really? REALLY? You've taken this image of something so awesome and tarnished it with CRAP. This is only scraping the surface of the defamation of unicorns. I won't even get into the trashy tattoos of unicorns mating with narwhals and ninjas, or whatever.
From now on, I'm over unicorns. It's done. I'm closing the book and giving up my virginity (hi, mom!) because I know now that if a unicorn comes and sees me, it's going to look like this:
Goodbye unicorns.